Shop More Submit  Join Login
×

:iconxlntwtch: More from xlntwtch


Featured in Collections

Words by Bark

Literature by GetWatchers

Devious Collection by alapip


More from deviantART



Details

Submitted on
February 9, 2013
File Size
5.7 KB
Thumb

Stats

Views
1,516
Favourites
48 (who?)
Comments
120

License

Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.
×

xlntwtch has limited the viewing of this artwork
to members of the deviantART community only.

You can log in or become a member for FREE!

....Revised Feb. '14

:bulletred: For theWrittenRevolution - fav.me/d5tb11u :bulletred:

For lit crit:
1. Do you understand the setting soon enough?
2. "Get it" why the main character isn't named or referred to much, besides thoughts?
3. Have any suggestions for improvement you'd like to write?
4. Title?


ScreamPromptsWritersInkGetWatchersMod:TheMysteryGuildtheWrittenRevolutionCritiqueItElocutionistsvicious-verse
Unconventional-StoryModDailyLitDeviationsProseAdminWord-SmithsFiction-WritersArtHistoryProjectCRLiteratureDD-Catalogue
Add a Comment:
 
:iconclarkdimond:
clarkdimond Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2014
The Chicken Coup?
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Edited Sep 8, 2014   Writer
:lol:
Reply
:iconmediafreq:
mediafreq Featured By Owner Dec 10, 2013   Photographer
Very nice. Too bad there are so many who will never get the experience to join reality.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Dec 11, 2013   Writer
Yep, it's kinda sad. Thanks for the compliment. :heart:
Reply
:iconcassiusrex:
CassiusRex Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
It took me a second to remember that "Indian" in the US doesn't mean "Indian", but "Native American", but when you mentioned the "rez", I got it. But yeah! I really like this, especially the internal monologue :3  It all flows very easily and smoothly. Though maaaybe "ohgawd" stands out a little, probably because I see it on the internet and not in normal speech.
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013   Writer

"Native American" is such a mouthful and no Indian I know calls themselves that. That's my reason to use "Indian." Maybe I should have put "feather Indian" there and derailed into a discussion about "dot Indian" vs. "feather Indian. " *shrug* I also often feel I can hear "ohgawd" - maybe it's a dialect. But thanks so much for commenting and letting me know what you like! :heart:

Reply
:iconcassiusrex:
CassiusRex Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
I don't know any Native Americans, being from the other side of the pond, so I'll defer to you on that. Plus I'm aware it's what they're called on your side of the pond. It's totally a regional/national thing that would make no sense for you to change, I just thought I'd mention it's not what immediately came to mind for me :P
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Aug 26, 2013   Writer

Oh- I understand completely. I didn't mean to ruffle any feathers. I was just explaining it's a story in the US.

I know it can be misconstrued elsewhere, so now I can only hope I mentioned "rez" soon enough for those on the other side of the pond. Did I?

Reply
:iconcassiusrex:
CassiusRex Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Oh yeah, it was totally fine. You definitely get to it early enough to establish the setting (... and for me to realise "Oh, shit, right, the USA") :D   As a side note, re-reading, I really really like the second-person perspective :3
Reply
:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2013   Writer

...I really really like the second-person perspective.

There it is--some folks don't even notice it. So thank very much!

Reply
Add a Comment: