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In and Out of the Pink
     The nurse let Jaycee look at her new twin brothers, wrinkly-cute in their incubator, a few moments longer. Then she said Jaycee had to go back to the hospital waiting room. Find the woman she and her mom arrived with.
     Jaycee didn't move.
     "But what about Mom?" she asked. "How is she? Can I see her?"
     "I said not today." The nurse was gruff. "Doctor says your mother needs more care. Doctor said not today. I know you're a very young girl, but you must understand. Now find that woman who broug

Caught in Battle     Lately I've been doing a lot of not sleeping at night. That is to say, I fall asleep fine, but about one in the morning the dreams turn to thoughts and I'm not at all asleep anymore. I just lie there, thinking too much to even close my eyes. My eyes feel bad in the red mornings, after staring in the dark so long each night, so tonight I light the oil lamp and sit up.

     I might as well write what was requested by a friend a few days ago, at dinner together.
     I find it doesn't kill dream memories, though.

     At that dinner, my f

Jaycee and All She Knows     Lettie dreamt. She didn't know she was hooked to monitors to show her faltering heartbeat. She didn't know she was in a coma. Lettie dreamt. Lettie saw her beloved lover in a dream, the very handsome and unreliable man who gave her that first baby, now ten years old and wanted. Lettie dreamt a second baby, a boy playing with the first one, the girl Jaycee.

     How happy Jaycee looked! Jaycee taught her brother everything from how to hold a little cup to how to climb a tree.

     Lettie didn't know her own role in the dream. She didn't see herself anywhere. But

Tumbling Down He said he was smart enough to be a Mensa member. She asked what that was. David said it was a group of people who took a test and were admitted to Mensa only if they tested as geniuses. Susanne just looked him, not entirely surpised and not entirely convinced David was right about that. Without knowing, and in light of what David did or didn't do for a living, Susanne went back to reading a novel she picked up on her weekly trips to the library.

Susanne and David had arguments now about those novels she read. She read everything from bestsellers to older classics, including childre

How Vast It IsI can't write a poem for you.
I can't sing a song for you.
I can't be you.

I once wished I could take your place and told you I would in a heartbeat.
You said "Yes, please do!" but we know I can't even do that.
I only say I'm sorry and envelope your pain with my own.

We both know you're strong and have weathered many things.
But some things won't change.
This disease you have now won't change. You'll change with it.

You sent a text message, "I felt a tiny feeling in my left foot! Woot!"
I sent one back to help you celebrate.
I wished again I had what you have. Such a small thing you felt against the looming.

I can't linger on wo

On the Northside of Time
     It was a good day for the dogs and a bad one for the rabbits. I heard the big black dog howl his chase call through most of the afternoon, sometimes near and sometimes far. His little white shadow yipped along behind him. There were long pauses between yips heard. That little dog had short legs and needed extra wind and effort just to keep up.

     The air outside was cool and sharp. The dog

Mirage Redux
     It's the Summer Powwow, and I feel like a little kid let loose in a toy store.

     Other women put silverwork, beaded belts and more in booths that circle the empty dance area.
     Under canvas-rigged shade, chairs are saved for Indian elders.

     My chair's in full sun, but I don't care.
     I prepared for that with sunblock. It's hot and though I'm kind-of Cheyenne, it's a very small part. The outside of me is quite fair, though in the winter my hair is dark. I'd be sunburnt in seconds sinc

Tornado Talk     She'd never heard wind like it. The girl, Lilah, was from a place where the only season meant Santana winds blew, and they blew hard, but not as hard as this wind. The man she was with didn't wake up. He slept on while the day began.

     One of the six children they babysat, a little boy, came to their room.
     He shook the man's foot to wake him.
     The child looked alarmed, but not as alarmed as the man did when the little boy grabbed his foot.
     Lilah was amazed to see the man she'd marry pull the

Word War     Brian meant to lose the game, though he knew Dad wanted him to win. He often won, but he didn't want to now. Brian was twelve and tired of playing kids in his group, mostly girls. Tall, clear-eyed girls, awkward, and much more competitive than Brian. He won anyway.
     "Are you studying the OSPD?" Dad said.
     They were going to the auditorium.
     "Of course," Brian said.
     He lied.

     Though he held the book, he'd gutted the 'Official Scrabble Players Dictionary

The Music in the Water Hank told her not to put her tent by the creek, but she did.

He figured the young girl wouldn't listen to him, whether she was his cousin or not. He was just an old man by her reckoning, and Hank knew many young folks rarely listened to old men.

Hell, Hank was an old man by his own reckoning. Every winter morning told him that.
The cold said, "You're an old man who can barely get out of bed. It hurts too much to move. Will you make it today?"
He had so far, though sometimes it was dicey.

But Dinah arrived on a beautiful spring morning.
The meadows were alive with wildflowers, bluejays, bees and long gr

Dust Bunny Wars There was a war under the bed. Dust bunnies hid behind single lost socks. They used them as shields against other dust bunnies there. The socks themselves wished the Boy Above would search for them and return them to their mates. Socks had great affection for their lost sock mates. They also hated being used as shields by dust bunnies.

The dust bunnies were ruthless. They used old baby socks, the odd white sock and the boy's plentiful dark socks, everyone's favorite, including the little boy. But he was a lazy sock owner, and even more afraid to look under his bed. He knew all about

Another Take The human I live with calls me "Tommy Gun." Or "Kitty." Sometimes "Cat." Yeah "cat," but I'm really an alien. Though we got here first and are highly evolved, humans insist on calling us all these names. I think it's because they're unable to call us what we call each other. They can't hear us talk most of the time. We usually use what humans call "telepathy," except in extreme cases. We try other ways to talk to humans. Use "meow" umpteen ways and you'll see how hard it is.

I like my human. She's a beautiful girl calls herself "Mimi" when she's on stage. Yeah "Mimi," and she's definitely

I Need to SingI need a drum and not just any drum. I need a drummer too, and not just any drummer.
The drum must be the water drum we use, and the drummer must be the man I know when he is the fireman.

I need a gourd and not just any gourd. I need a staff too, and not just any staff.
The gourd must be beaded, with leather tassels swaying at the bottom when I use it, when we use it.
The staff must be a symbol when I or another of us holds it, to show we are the ones to listen to, we are the ones who none can step in front of while we sing.

I need a song to sing and not just any song.
It must be the right song for the occasion, and right for the ti

DaughterI relax now...
her illness sleeps.

Late Night Lament
One recent night I decided to walk, read and watch three movies.
Why not? I couldn't write and had the popcorn and hours to myself.
Spent most of the time on a Will-Smith-movie-night. Watched
"Enemy-of-the-State" when my daughter called, blithely
interrupting though she hates that if I do, only to say,
"Hey, Mom! You get to see Will Smith naked now! Woohoo!"

Dear child, I watched it for Hackman though I have nothing
against Will Smith. It was Will-Smith-movie-night,
but I like Gene Hackman too, maybe more if I kept score.
About this flick she was wrong, Will just stripped to his underwear,
not dis

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Fight in a Hospital

by *xlntwtch, Dec 4, 2010, 7:52:20 AM
Literature / Prose / Fiction / General Fiction / Short Stories

     They said she was too old to have a baby.
     Doctors said she'd die if she had a second one.
     Lettie thought different about that. Lettie thought different about a lot of things other folks said and thought.

     Doctors said she'd die when she had her girl Jaycee ten years ago too, but Lettie was still very much alive.
     Well, she almost died, but 'almost' didn't count with Lettie.
     She did as she pleased and she had since a young age. That didn't do a world of wonder for her health, but she was happy with Jaycee. Her daughter was a good one, as smart and independent as her mom.

     Now Lettie wanted a son because Jaycee wished for a brother.
     Jaycee never mentioned a wish before. Lettie thought one wish was the least she could do for her girl.

     Like any good mom might, she found a man whose looks she favored and who favored her for a week or two. It worked just fine. She got pregnant and Jaycee was more happy. Naturally, Lettie never saw the man again. Lettie's kids would always be her own, like her place and her life was.

     This time Lettie had to let doctors operate, mainly for the baby. The operation was called a see section.
     While Jaycee sat in the hospital waiting room with some lady from her mom's past, Desiree, she found a new comic strip. Jaycee never met Desiree before. She ignored the old woman and studied the new comic in the newspaper instead.

     She thought it was a pretty good one. It was funny and kind of weird, like her mom. Jaycee almost forgot to worry while she read it. The kid in the comic had the exact same name the neighbors gave their cat five years ago, both first and last names. Jaycee saw that this was today's paper, too. Very interesting.

     She hardly noticed when Desiree left her to go outside and smoke.

     What a funny thing about that name in the comic. When Jaycee's brother got born, maybe she should call him that.
     Jaycee used her mom's last name, a fake one, but Brown would fit a boy real well.

     Lettie told Jaycee many weeks ago they got to pick the boy's birthday, and that Jaycee could choose his name.
     Doctors gave Lettie a list of dates.
     Jaycee and Lettie planned a birthday so they would have a Libra in the family.
     "There're too many Scorpios between the two of us already," Lettie said.
     Her daughter agreed. A teacher's pet at school said Scorpios were "kind of nuts, too smarty-pants and they argue way too much." Then the kid ran away. Stuff like that happened a lot around Jaycee and Lettie. He must've been right.

     The operation was taking a long, long time.

     Jaycee asked the nurse in the waiting room if the she could use a pink crayon and paper she saw for the little kids. Then she drew a pink vase like a jelly jar with three pink flowers in it to give her mom. She saw other people holding real flowers in long vases, and remembered what Lettie said.

     "If you can, draw me flowers like the neighbor has," she said before docs took her away. "Pink flowers for you and me and Baby-boy. Cosmos flowers, like the stars and sun and the moon and our place. Stars look like a Libra to me. Don't they to you? Libra for your brother. Wait with Desiree. See you soon, little lady."

     But Desiree was gone a long, long time.

     Jaycee read the comics again and waited. She sometimes kicked her feet like she was a baby herself. That Desiree made her mad. Mom counted on the old woman to sit with her, and she was gone. She was a "flake." Mom would say that.

     A doctor wearing green came in and everyone looked to see who he wanted. He saw Jaycee but didn't approach her or anyone else. The doc spoke to the nurse in whispers. The waiting room nurse talked to Jaycee when the doctor left.

     "Are you as brave a little girl as your mommy said you are?" the nurse said, leading Jaycee away.
     "I'm not little and she's my mom, not my 'mommy.' I'm brave. Mom always tells the truth."
     "Mrs. Kingston is..."
     "She likes to be called Lettie. For a paper, prob'ly Miss Kingston. She's not married."
     "Oh. Well. Your mom is very sick right now and has to stay in hospital for some time. Where is that woman who waited with you before? Who is she?"
     "Desiree. She smokes. I guess she ran out of cigarettes. I don't know who or where she is. She flaked a long time ago."

     The nurse raised her eyebrows, then sighed.
     "Well, sweetie, right now your mom is in what's called a coma. The doctors will do their best to wake her up but they must try slowly. That's what I mean by sick. Do you know what a coma is?"
     Jaycee did. "People sleep when they don't mean to."
     "Yes. Are you okay, Jaycee? I wish Desiree was here."

     Jaycee didn't. She didn't like Desiree. Jaycee stood there, holding the picture of pink flowers in one hand and the paper with the comic in it in the other. She had to hang onto something, and a nurse who smelled funny wasn't the 'something.'

     "Um," Jaycee said. "My mom's in a coma? Will she be okay?"
     "I can almost say yes. Not for sure. Almost a yes. But we always hope for the best, right?"
     "I do. I always do. She'll wake up. Mom gets bored sleeping too much. It pisses her off."
     The nurse's eyes widened a bit. Then she nodded and said, "Hold that thought, dear."

     "Nurse, what about my baby brother?"
     The nurse smiled then, a real smile.
    "You have two baby brothers, Jaycee. They're too little to leave hospital for a while, but they'll be fine."

     Jaycee felt like somebody just punched her.
     "Two?"
     "Yes, dear. Identical twins. They're in incubators now. Do you know what those are?"
     "Like for the baby chickens out back?"

     The nurse laughed and put a hand on Jaycee's shoulder.
     "You are smart. Yes, a little like that. Do you want to see them? You have to look through a window. They put bracelets on them, ones with an 'A' and a 'B.' One baby smiled and the other cried already, Doctor said. Want to see?"
     "Oh yes! I have two brothers and two names for them! Can we go now?"

     "I'll take you now, yes," the nurse said. "They're down this hall."
     "And my mom?"
     "Is she a fighter?"
     "Some kids think she's mean and tough. But see this? She wanted me to draw flowers. She's nice. Can I give it to her? After I see my brothers? I mean, will you take me to my mom or take this if I can't go? Is it right kids can't see moms?"

     "Your mom will make it too, I think. If she's a fighter, it's better. And of course someone will give her your flowers as soon as they can. You can't see your mom right now. You'll have to wait for Desiree, or we'll make other arrangements for you. Don't worry. Our staff takes care of many things here."

     The nurse took Jaycee to her brothers, side-by-side in incubators, each wrinkled and red, nearly as small as new chicks. They were under lights and had tubes and stuff on them, but they wore the cutest tiny blue hats.
     Jaycee stared hard and thought silently.

     The one on the left is Charlie. The one on the right is Brown. Charlie Kingston and Brown Kingston. I like that. I love them! I miss you, Mom. I'm gonna be the mom for at least one of them. You can't do both. Um. Charlie. That's my baby. Mom, wake up soon! I drew the star-flowers for you. We're gonna be happy together and I love you so much. The doctors said you were too old, but you gave me two brothers. Wake up and see my pink star-flowers real soon!

Fight in a Hospitalby *xlntwtch

Literature / Prose / Fiction / General Fiction / Short Stories

For...

... # 8 ... 1000 to 2000 words (or so).

_{Birthday : October 2.

October 1 : "International Day for the Elderly."

October 2, 1950 : The first day "Charlie Brown" and "Peanuts" by Charles Schulz was ever seen in newspaper comic strips.

October zodiac sign : Libra.

October flower : Cosmos, named from the Greek for "balanced universe."

Pink cosmos flowers : Pink = "Thank you."

**January, '11: There's a second story now about these characters, "In and Out of the Pink" at [link]

***March, '11: And the last story about them, "Jaycee and All She Knows" at [link]

...unless you have permission and/or I know what you might do with it.

Are the characters fully 'realized' in this short story?
Does the story make sense to you, with a 'why / why not'?
Is there enough showing instead of telling?

All constructive comments are welcome.

Featured in 12/12/10 ...Thank you!

For those interested...
This story is continued in two more installments. See below.

"In and Out of the Pink" - [link]
-and-
"Jaycee and All She Knows" - [link]

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*0hgravity Apr 7, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

nice write. I think you captured the voice of the child well. Kid's have the quirkiest ways of thinking about things.
A good ending as well.

*xlntwtch Apr 10, 2012 Writer

... I liked that poem you had in the #WritersInk Roundup, too.
Regarding that poem, it was a 'fav and run,' sorry.
Will look for it when my eyes feel better in a couple days. I like to leave comments. (:

*0hgravity Apr 10, 2012 Hobbyist General Artist

welcome!
thanks, oh yeah I understand. I usually do commenting in little spurts.

*xlntwtch Apr 12, 2012 Writer

okay. still writing a lot by touch type only. still hard to read much.
doctors say "another two weeks."
seems like forever when prompts are due yesterday. ayiyi

=sunshinegypsy Jan 22, 2012 Professional Writer

This is very powerful. I have sat in the waiting room and paced outside with my aunt while she smoked and waited and waited and waited.

*xlntwtch Jan 31, 2012 Writer

Thank you. I'm sorry you had to do that, wait like that.

I have also sat in far too many hospital waiting rooms for my taste, or even rest of my life.

=sunshinegypsy Feb 1, 2012 Professional Writer

So have I. The first time I was 15 and my mom was donating a kidney to my grandmother. It was back in the day and they weren't as good at it as they are now. It was practically experimental. They pretty much said my mom's chance of survival was 20%. And it was a 4 hour surgery. And when she got out... she was only semi-conscious and making these horrible noises. Like a trapped animal. She couldn't even scream. I totally lost it and ran away and had my first panic attack in the hallway. The nurses took me back into their station and sat with me. My family didn't even notice. So. Not so great memories. Which made the other times I've waited so much worse.

*xlntwtch Feb 2, 2012 Writer

:icondownarrow: _{Oops. It's "...anesthesia..." [!]}

*xlntwtch Feb 2, 2012 Writer

My first was waiting for my toddler during a three hour surgery (I was obviously older than fifteen). But they made me sign a form about aneathesia, because they don't know, with little kids, what might kill them. I was alone and it was difficult to say the least. Then she had to have another three hour one at age five, same deal. Followed by many more, because she got cancer, and though surgery "beat it," corrective surgery was needed a year later. The list includes far too many who weren't family at all, too. I can't even write about it anymore.

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