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:iconxlntwtch:
Critique:
A Gathering of Virgins

You ask no questions so I'll start by telling you what follows represents my opinons only, for you to use or discard.

It's easy to see how you're both a poet and prose writer in this piece. The colors and swirls of words work so well together, it's hard to find anything to point out as possible improvement.

1) So I'll tell you a little about myself. I was born to parents who were both brought up in the Deep South and, though they thought they escaped to the West Coast, they brought many Southern ways with them. One was expecting only the best as far as boyfriends (any friends) went. Another was how my mother instilled a way of acting in me that can occasionally be spotted to this day = a Southern Belle way.

1a) From that, I draw on inspiration to give you a bit of lit crit. I have a good friend now who likes to laugh when the "Southern Belle" comes out to play. It's a source of amusement because my parents disowned me twice for being a "race traitor." Not to worry, they always "re-owned" me.

2) Poor James doesn't seem to be able to get out and escape the fate his father plans for him. Anne must truly know James well, to realize he won't give up whatever hold his father has on him. Would it would make this short work fleshed out a bit more if we knew more about James? Why won't leave his father's house and go with Anne, like they did when they were young?

3) That's the main question I'd like to see answered, if only in a few more of your marvelous words. I can see James is bored and pricks his hand with toothpicks, but how against this plan to marry the deliciously described 'Southern Belles' is he? What is he willing give up? What would he have give up if he married Anne?

3a) Or is Anne the only one who continues to think they're meant for each other? Did James change his mind in the ballroom, or even before then? That's the only thing I wonder. Who is James? Who is he really, beyond being bored with porcelain dolls? Is he after money like his father is?

Generalities:
A terriic short piece about the vagaries and travails of love. What one person, or even two people, may want isn't always done. What is most amazing about this prose is how the words are used to great effect. I could "see" the ballroom, the bar, the watered drinks, the girl in the wisteria. Thank you, both for this piece and for reading this critique.
The Artist thought this was FAIR
7 out of 7 deviants thought this was fair.

Comments


:iconswansisters:
swansisters Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you so much. I agree after reading your critique that I do need to do more with James. I will have to go back and see why he doesn't but I will. Thank you so much again! And thank you for the praise. :D
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013   Writer
Any praise is highly deserved. I must apologize for the many typos I now see when I review what I wrote. But I'm not known as a "typo queen" for nothing! You're welcome, and I hope to see more about this couple, James and Anne. (:
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:iconswansisters:
swansisters Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
No problem. I have so many problems with typos. On the other hand it causes me to reread my work and edit and write so both a bane and blessing in my writing. But yes will send you the further adventures of James and Anne. I have been asked to submit a poem to an anthology that will be published so I am working mainly on that. But still work on the other pieces as well :D
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:iconxlntwtch:
xlntwtch Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013   Writer
:iconcheerplz: for both things -- more adventures and your poem.
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:iconswansisters:
swansisters Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:floating: yes
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